SDFHL Sunday Conversation:
These were a few of the
shots from BEFORE he got wasted.
I caught up with
Ronnie 'poolside' at the National City Motel 6 where he 'hangs out' on his ‘off
days’. We 'hung out' a bit by the 'pool', I watched him down an alarming
number of expired Four Lokos, and we talked life, love, and SDFHL. This
is how it went down...
Pope: Ronnie, first let me
say, f**k your 'Doyers' for sweeping my Giants this past weekend.
Ronnie: Doyer Doyer Doyer Doyer
Doyer Doyer Doyer Doyer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is a fun fact, every time Dan
Uggla strikes out, So Cal gets Santa Ana winds.
Pope: Speaking of bad blood, most of
us have had our 'run-ins' with other players in the league. You are a
rare bird, as you really seem to get along so well with everyone in the SDFHL
(and beyond). Have you ever had a beef with anyone out there on
the court? You can change names to protect the innocent/accused, if need
Ronnie: *opens Grape Four Loko*
Great question. I don’t really have beef with anyone. A former
league member pushed it a bit in Vegas (he knows who he is…dirty mother
f**ker...and no, not an SD player). I do have friendly wagers with
several members of the league, though. A certain person (let’s call him P
Yu…no, that’s too obvious…let’s call him Peter Y) is a bit behind on
payment. He owes me a few happy hours and mucho cerveza.
Pope: When did you lose your 'hockey
virginity'? Did the first time...hurt a little?
Ronnie: Like Cat Stevens said, the
first cut is the deepest. A young Mexican American Ronald Ponce picked up
a hockey stick at the age of twelve. Roller hockey games are common in
Ventura County (yeah, it doesn’t snow here, Canada/East Coast buddies).
The best spot was an abandoned train station warehouse. The concrete was
smooth, and it was in the shade. Sadly, the abandoned train station
warehouse was demolished several years ago. RIP.
Pope: Desert island...your
coconut-powered iPod has only enough storage for one album, one movie, and
one...other piece of media. Go!
Ronnie: This is like F-Marry-Kill!
*opens Blue Raspberry Four Loko* The movie is easy--Office Space.
That movie is my life sometimes. Anytime it’s on TV I will watch
it. The album is tough. I feel like I should have some Yacht Rock
or maybe some Hall & Oates. I flipped a coin, and Bloc Party’s ‘Silent Alarm’
won. That album just reminds me of college when life was easy. I
just had to make it to class on time, and my bar tabs didn’t exceed $30.
The other media would be Fruit Ninja. Who doesn’t want to be Gallagher,
or Gallagher Dos?
Pope: You've been in the
league for years now, and have had a chance to play with huge cross section of
the league. Give me three players you really loved playing with...and
why? Are there any players with whom you have not yet shared a
season that you would like to?
Ronnie: First off, I love
everything about this league, and everyone in the league. I have had the
pleasure of playing with some of the best people in San Diego. Now
to the list:
First: Steve Scott. He is the one who brought me to the league, and I had
my best season playing with him and Do’ on a line. The shenanigans played
by Mr. Scott are awesome.
Second: Dorothy Kline. She was the heart and soul of ‘Team
Friendship’. She was amazing that season, and we just had a blast.
Third: Kris Tosczak. We have been on a few teams together. He is
always fun to play with, and tends to laugh when I score. What’s up with
that, man? He also taught me the meaning of Canadian Thanksgiving.
Honorable Mention: Geoff (boat rich), Kurt (Prius rich), School Bus (truck
rich), Mara (best shootout goal I have ever seen), Andy (makes the best salsa),
Steph (Chico!), Pope (Gigantes son viejos y mohosos), Sean Kelly (see below),
Min-Soo (F Chicago), Peter Yu (hoarder) and Janice (silent assassin).
As for the players I have not played an SDFHL season with, there are
several. If I have to choose, I would
have to go with [Derek] Lobo--great Vegas captain, but we have not been on the
same SDFHL team. He’s always positive, and for 65, he still has the
Honorable Mention: Don (BMW rich), Alaa (BMW rich) and Alex (makes beer, and
who doesn't like beer?)
Pope: Compare yourself to an NHL
player, past or present.
Ronnie: *opens Pineapple Four Loko*
This should not surprise anyone. I have the skills of Wayne Simmonds (Hip
Hop with Pop), the speed of Matt Greene, and the heritage of Alec Martinez.
Pope: Eat a pizza, or meet Mike
Ronnie: F**k Mike Piazza! He
has beef with the Doyers. Give me the pizza. None of that lasagna
pizza they have in Chicago. Yeah, I said it.
Pope: 'Ronnie Ponce: The
Movie' has been green lighted. Give me the short list of actors for the
Ronnie: ‘Ronnie Ponce: The
Movie’ is a remake of ‘Point Break’, and I am in the Swayze role. Now,
for the actors:
First: Jonah Hill. He would be the perfect fit--funny guy that tries to
make people laugh. He is the comedy choice.
Second: Alec Martinez. He won the cup, and is already in
Hollywood. Give him the role.
Dark Horse: Efren Ramirez. Dude needs a role. It’s been a while since
Pope: People have no attention
span these days. Recap your entire life in four sentences or less.
Ronnie: I was born in Thousand Oaks,
CA to Ron and Lisa Ponce. I went to college at Chico State. I moved
to San Diego in the summer of 2006. Work, work, work all day long.
Pope: You would do anything for
love, but you won't __________.
Ronnie: *belches loudly* *opens
Watermelon Four Loko* Eat salad with
dressing. I eat it like a rabbit, man. What ever happened to Meat
Pope: Walk me through a typical day
in the life...
Ronnie: Wake up at 6:00am. Hit
snooze twice. Shower. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Get to work at 7:00am.
Work till 4:00ish. Work out (most times). Log back in to catch up on
work. Watch some Doyers highlights. Start over the next day.
Sleep. Eat. Work. Repeat. Repeat.
The effects of five Four Lokos are starting to kick in. Ronnie scans the sky, then points to his
Pope: Know any good jokes?
Ronnie: Knock Knock
Pope: Who’s there?
Pope: Queen who?
Ronnie: Queen my dishes,
please. Get it? Because I said Queen...
Pope: Yeah, man…awesome stuff
there. Straight up Bazooka Joe. That is going to kill with Ry and his
friends. Speaking of children, what is
one of your favorite childhood memories?
Ronnie: When team USA took down
Iceland in Mighty Ducks 2. OK, for real, during the days when you could
tailgate at Chavez Ravine, my dad and his closest pals would gas up the
motorhome and go. He would pull me and my brother out to go to the
game. Nothing like seeing the Doyers on opening day. I am just going to throw this in…getting to
see the Kings win the cup twice in person. Awesome experience (cue the ‘I
Love LA’ song).
Pope: Yeah…no…I shan’t be
cuing that song…dick. Who has your
favorite pair of adulthood mammaries? JK...just, construct Mrs. Ponce
from celebrity parts, por favor.
Ronnie: Has anyone seen this
new Wendy’s girl/spokesperson? Also, I am tempted to pick Iggy
Azalea. Who doesn’t want a hip hop artist from the suburbs of
Australia? I will make this easy--the
looks of the Wendy’s girl, rhymes of Iggy Azalea, and Oprah money. That
is the future Mrs. Ponce. Oh, a close second
to this list is Gal Gadot. She is the new Wonder Woman, but more famous
for her role in Fast Five. Don Tran is on board with this pick.
writing time! In the spirit of the aforementioned Mighty Ducks, create a
fantastical, completely unrealistic climactic scene for Disney's new SDFHL
Ronnie: Here is where my TV/Movie
classes coming into play…
Scene: USA v. Iceland. Thirty
seconds left in the game. Ducks set up the Flying V…
Location: SDFHL Home Rink: 4S Ranch
Stars: Geoff Appuhn is played by Robert
Duvaall (D); Donald Tran is played by Data from the Goonies (D); Min-Soo and
Peter Yu are played by Kenny Wu (F) (D2 They are in the Olsen Twin role from
‘Full House’); Kurt Rifbjerg is played by Sideshow Bob (F); Steve Scott played
by John Cusack (F).
Flying V moves forward (cut away
to scoreboard-- 0:29 0:28 0:27…)
[Timeout: I forgot that Geoff’s
character is in a wheelchair.]
The ball is moving around the
forwards. Kenny Wu (Peter is in this scene) drops the ball back to Robert
Duvall. Data is pushing him around in the wheel chair. Robert
Duvall gets the shot off (cut away to scoreboard…0:15 0:14 0:13), and the ball deflects off Efren Ramirez (playing me)
and goes into the net past Iceland Goalie (D2 played by Nathan West…thanks,
IMDB) for the game-winner (cut away to scoreboard…0:03 0:02 0:01 0:00).
The team celebrates, and lifts
Robert Duvall onto the shoulders of other team members.
[Camera cuts in for close up of
Duvall: “Vaya con Dios, Brah”
[Fade to black.]
It’s Point Break meets D2.
Direct to DVD. Gets some run on Fox Family.
Pope: Wow…gripping stuff! Tell the people something about yourself that
will SHOCK them (or at least amuse them).
Ronnie: I will give you a soft one,
a random one, and a shocker:
Soft: Sean Kelly--we played Little League baseball together in the mean streets
of Thousand Oaks, CA. I had no clue he played in the league until I saw
him during my first season.
Random: I am an ordained minister, and have performed nine weddings.
Number ten is in September.
Shocker: In my sophomore year of high school, I got busted for lighting
fireworks with my friends. We got busted by the police, and had to
perform community service.
Pope: Last one, and I will let
you get back to 'hanging out'...give me a moment, or a game, or an event in
your SDFHL career that is special/memorable to you.
Ronnie: *opens Fruit Punch Four
Loko* Lobo would say it was when I made three passes in a row to Bob Delaney in
his farewell game…but I was on the other team. I will go with ‘Team
Friendship’. We are in overtime against Sean Kelly and Black. I got
a pass from Bryan Szeliga, and was able to beat Sean for the game-winner…best
moment in SDFHL history. My jersey is in the hall of fame. I don’t
even remember it-- I blacked out.
Pope: Well, you've been a great sport, and I
appreciate you being my first guest for this segment. Let's switch roles
for just one question...shoot!
Ronnie: This is an easy one.
Top three Vin Diesel movies? Go!
I can honestly say that I have not seen any of Mr. Diesel’s work. I hope we can still be friends? Thanks, Ronnie...I appreciate you taking time out of
your 'busy day’ to chat with me. Does...ummm...does this place have
another restroom anywhere? The one by
the 'lobby' is disgusting.
Ronnie: Pope, it has been a
pleasure. I think there is a KFC around the corner. Take this
quarter…it’s coin operated.